Second degree burns

Monday, April 10, 2006

Himesh Reshammiya - the true story

Himesh was a brilliant student in college (straight A's et al). His brilliance was well-complemented by his diligence in college, as well as home (the only channels he watched were Discovery and National Geographic for kids, and he had a self-imposed blanket ban on watching movies in the theater).
And then, one fatal day, his friends (a.k.a the Society to Help Introduce Tasteless Timepass to Youth or S.H.I.T.T.Y.) decided to spice up his humdrum existence, and took him to a Salman Khan movie (the one in which he is topless for most of it...oh wait a sec, that happens in all of his movies!!).
And then, life was never the same!!!
Himesh got a shock on getting his senses assaulted with extremely tasteless bullshit, and went brain-dead.
The various doctors, hakeems, shamans, vaidyas and other quacks were hard-pressed to find a cure.
And then, one ingenious chap came up with a great plan - why not carry out a transplant from his butt onto his head to replace the damaged tissue?
The operation succeeded beyond everyone's wildest expectations (the SHITTY guys included) and, following his extremely quick recovery, Himesh Reshammiya was up and about in a couple of weeks.
Alas, this happy state of affairs was not to last, and like every good potboiler churned out of the Hindi film industry, this tale too had a twist - or a few, in this case. Soon, everyone started noticing that something was different about Himesh.
Most noticeable was the fact that he always had to wear a cap in public to ensure that no photographs were taken of the butt-cleft on his head, which had also got transplanted during the surgery. And then, when he opened his mouth, the most awful wails would emanate (truth be said, there was a marked difference of opinion on his voice, oscillating between melodic and awful, depending on whether the person asked was sitting on the rickshaw driver's seat, or behind it).
What shocked his close(t) friends the most was that, although he was not very sociable earlier, now noone without appropriate earplugs could come 500 metres in his near vicinity before he broke out into his inimitable braying about unrequited love.
Thus, the blessing soon turned into a curse. However, Himesh was not one to let personal tragedies come in the way of his (vastly changed) goals. He soldiered on, and by a freak stroke of luck ("Nature always sides with the hidden (!!) flaw" - Murphy's law), he found himself signing a recording contract that guaranteed him the right to sing an unbearable number of bowel-movement-inducing songs for the edification of the general public (that means us, I think).
This, my dear friends is Himesh's story. A classic rags-to-riches tale that is possible only in Hindi movies (unfortunately for us) occured and altered the Hindi music industry, and the look of disgust we achieve on viewing countdown shows.
Hence, the moral of this story is - before trusting your doctor, make sure that you do not find any old newspaper clippings carrying photographs of him shaking hands with Himesh Reshamiya. In case you do, kindly call on this toll-free number : 91989-MOLOTOV. We guarantee secrecy...

9 Comments:

  • This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    By Blogger Digbijoy Sarkar, at 9:43 PM  

  • cool one man,par himeshbhai reshammiya se itni narazgi kyon??
    dont try that on shaan or palash i will arrange for a thousand hate-mails a day for u, and a very nice gpl in the hostel.."

    By Blogger Digbijoy Sarkar, at 9:44 PM  

  • akshay...First of all,let me know why have u deleted the earlier comment and wat was there inside it?
    Next about criticising himesh reshmiya,one can safely put u before law for publicly defaming a celebrity(of course,you can't deny that)
    The story formed is nice and i should say u gave a good thought to materialise it.and remember this thing
    "Those who can -- do. Those who can't -- criticize. "

    By Blogger somebody xceptional, at 10:20 PM  

  • hmm...so...stepping on the shoes of G B Shaw,huh??...coz ur "stories" hv a vague resmblance to his..in style dat is...
    u hv wrecked a few grey cells in d process...(afterall!)....and dats good..
    neways ur blog is different from what we normally read and so refreshing i wud say..not to say it carries ur very own charm...
    keep up...

    PS: mind if i link u to my blog??i wont if u reciprocate:)..i am at
    www.amlannanda.blogspot.com
    cheers

    By Blogger amlan nanda, at 11:04 AM  

  • u know wat happen to ppl who don wear those "MASKS"


    they turn into HIMESH RESHAMMIYA....ab kuch to SHARAM karo MIYAN

    By Blogger atul, at 11:59 AM  

  • Chauvinistic. Robed in self sympathy and deaf. What else could I expect from you.


    No! I am not pissed.

    No I'm not melancholic.

    :)

    By Blogger Jayanth Madhav Barki, at 1:07 PM  

  • i dont care what the others think.
    yours is a good blog. carry on!

    By Blogger kunaal, at 9:58 AM  

  • ROFL!!!
    I'm Sure that's exactly how things happened!!!

    By Blogger NN, at 11:39 PM  

  • now how did U find this out???

    By Blogger Tweaky, at 7:52 AM  

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